| This week in school was pretty hectic and depressing for me... but I am really happy right now; whenever I get home from Stony Brook, I feel like the happiest person ever. I start to talk to everyone in my house and I feel as if that angry side of myself have disappeared. I used to hate being home because everyone got on my nerves and I was always angry. Now that I have moved out for college, I realized how much I miss and love my family. And I'm pretty surprised that my mom and I had such a heated conversation about my future. I rarely ever talk to my parents for longer than 2-3 minutes about anything since they usually just brush it off and do other things. Anyway, I was asking my mom about what I should major in and what I should do in my life, she told me that I should do what I want and would be best for myself, while my dad have constantly told me to be a pre-med or nursing major. I am also thinking about whether I should transfer out or not since Hunter doesn't have linguistics as a major. I also feel as though I wouldn't be able to befriend many people being back in the city, however, I am pretty sure I will be able to finish my work earlier and study more efficiently at home than at Stony Brook.
I just hope this happiness will last.
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| It's weird that I feel happier when I'm on campus than I am at home when I don't even like my school very much... maybe it's because I never get to eat good food at home during the weekends since my parents are always out playing MJ... I also realize that I really don't have a life and I have nothing better to do at home. I don't know what I want out of my life or what I want to do. I can't see a bright future ahead of me, I just see myself as a loser who sits in front of the computer all day and do nothing... except for homework... now I don't even know if I should go to Cornell either... I can barely keep up with my work at the Stony Brook and I am constantly lost... I can't even pay attention in class or stay awake at all... I feel so confused...
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| Lately... I've been thinking about quite a lot of things... one of my friends (I don't know if I should mention any name) said that there are 'friends' who pretend to care. Once I heard 'pretend to care', I felt scared... is it possible for people to pretend to care about others? Why would anyone do that? Not only is that bothering me... but I am also really confused about who I really am... I don't know what I really like or what I really want in my life. I also feel like I don't know how to communicate with people. Then I begin to wonder if I'm a good person or a good friend at all. On top of all these thoughts, I am really worried about my grades... I can't catch up with schoolwork and I can't concentrate that well either. I don't know what I should do...
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I just thought this was funny.
Sometimes... I just want to be alone...
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